When I was a young'un, still living in Saffron Walden, I would sometimes play football with the other lads during our primary school's 30-minute break. I wasn't very good at it usually. Anyway, one time a classmate showed up wearing a new coat, very new, as in bought yesterday new, and decided to play football with it on I guess, which he would soon come to regret. At some point during the game, me and him were both trying to get the ball, and he was between me and a wire mesh fence. Now, wanting better access to the ball, I pushed him to the side, and got control of it, at the cost of ripping a bit of the sleeve of his brand new coat, which I was verbally admonished for but, to my memory, little else.

In hindsight, it's quite funny, because, on account of being an upper-middle-class bloke in Saffron Walden, he's statistically speaking a tory cunt, so I don't regret it in the slightest. Also he was in house Burleigh, who I continue to hold a grudge against for stealing points on sports day once, so honestly fuck him.